what you give to a fertility goddess...

You’ve been to Bangkok a few times. You don’t want to go see the Palace Museum again. You’re sick of JJ market. What to do?

Head out to the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel. Go there for a fabulous Sunday brunch spread with live music and free flow mojitos. After a sumptuous meal, walk around the beautifully landscaped gardens. Then venture out to a hidden corner within the grounds, somewhere between the service area and the parking lot. There you will find a shrine dedicated to Chao Mae Tuptim, a spirit residing in the ten foot tall Ficus tree behind the spirit house.

Chao Mae Tuptim is said to be a female fertility spirit, which explains the preponderance of phalluses around the shrine. This spirit house is not for shy prudes. There are hundreds of phalluses in all different shapes, sizes and colors. Some are meant to look realistic and some are stylized. Some have feet and others have (cannon) balls.



Women from all over Bangkok visit the shrine when they are trying to conceive. If they get pregnant, they return to the shrine and add a phallus to the phalanx in thanks. Many also come to offer Jasmine flowers, incense sticks and pink and white lotus buds. Apparently, she has a pretty good success rate!

So if you’re looking for something to do on a lazy Sunday before catching your flight out, think about making this part of your itinerary.

the art of wai

In Thailand, don’t be surprised if when you extend your hand out for a handshake, you get a limp, damp hand in return from men and women alike. That’s what you get for being culturally inept.
I picked up a handshake habit in the U.S. so when I first came to Bangkok, I would extend my hand out to every new person I met. I quickly learned though that Thais don’t do handshakes. It’s all about the “wai” --- two palms touching in a prayer-like position. Even Ronald McDonald does it. There are actually different types of wais based on the relative status of the two people wai-ing each other. Unfortunately, I have not yet had the chance to delve deep into this practice. So for now, I stick to the standard “stranger’s” wai. Palms together at chest level and fingertips just below the chin kah!

in jim's footsteps

I finally visited Jim Thompson's House over the weekend. The guy had style. He brought six traditional Thai-style teak houses from Ayutthaya to Bangkok and put together a magical home decorated with beautiful pieces from Thailand, Cambodia, Burma, Italy, etc. While the house still stands in all its glory, Jim Thompson is nowhere to be found. He disappeared in 1967 while vacationing with his friends in Cameroon Highlands in Malaysia.

All tourists are required to dispose of their footwear at the entrance. According to our guide, Thais remove their shoes when they enter a home because they used to prepare and eat food on the floor. Definitely worth a look if you are in Bangkok.

thai chef me

I used to love Thai food. I say “used to” because I’m currently going through an I’ve-had-too-much-Thai-food-give-me anything-but phase. I know I’ll be missing good Thai food when I return to New York so I prepared myself for this by taking some cooking lessons.

It was a half-day affair with teacher Nusi and three other girls. Nusi picked J and I up at the BTS station and off we went to the local market. We stopped at a few different stalls to buy vegetables, seafood, chicken, grated coconut and water chestnuts. Some things I learned at the market:

You use dried red chillies for red curry but fresh green chillies for green curry. Thai cooking entails the use of three different types of ginger --- Siamese ginger a.k.a. galangal, fresh turmeric and ‘regular’ ginger. There are also three different types of basil --- sweet basil, holy basil and lime basil. And again at least three types of eggplant --- long eggplant, apple aubergine and pea aubergine.


Back at Nusi’s quaintly decorated place (he very much likes cat-themed pieces), we cleaned and prepared the ingredients, chopped everything up on our own little chopping stations and proceeded to cook. We learned how to make coconut milk (grated coconut and water through a sieve) and tamarind paste (fresh tamarind and water). And of course the main events --- tom yum goong, pad thai, green curry, laab gai (salad) and tub tim grob (dessert).


We cooked one dish at a time. The program was cook, eat, cook, eat, cook eat…By the time we got to dessert, I was completely stuffed. One thing I learned about Thai cooking is that it is actually very, very simple. No need to baste, to marinate, to poach etc. etc. You basically just throw everything together in a wok. Buying fresh ingredients is really what’s key. Also, Thai cooking hardly uses salt…it’s all about the nam pla (fish sauce).

Nusi (former documentary filmmaker turned Thai cooking teacher) sent us off with a recipe compilation of the dishes we had made, a guide to buying vegetables in the market (with pictures and all) and money for transportation (apparently part of the fee we had paid). If you’re in Bangkok for a few days, it’s a great alternative to sightseeing --- half a day, good food, hilarious teacher and a sense of accomplishment...

singapore: tong shui café

The garish walls painted pink and green welcome you to Tong Shui Café on Zion Road. At first glance, the décor is reminiscent of a Shanghai Tang store. But upon closer inspection, one finds that the store is more akin to a Shanghai Tang franchise gone awry…the 70s chandeliers, fake potted flowers and the unappetizing food photos say it all. The place is positively kitschy, but somehow it feels like home.

And why not? Tong Shui Café bills itself as the place to get comfort food. It has over 300 items on its menu ranging from Nissin instant noodles with egg and luncheon meat (for all you Ma-ling lovers out there) to thick toast with condensed milk and peanut butter to spaghetti with ham and hot dogs to hot Coke with ginger. It’s an eclectic selection that usually doesn’t disappoint.


I ordered thick toast with peanut butter and banana and washed it down with ice cold eight treasures tea. The toast was about 2 inches thick and smothered with peanut butter. It was topped with thin slices of small sweet banana, my favorite kind. I expected the eight treasures tea to come in a mug like most drinks do, but instead I got a whole pitcher to myself!

For Singapore standards, Tong Shui Café is very reasonable. True to its Chinese roots, all the items are priced at $X and 88 cents: $2.88, $3.88, $4.88, etc. Eight is an auspicious Chinese number and the owners aren’t taking any chances. But buyer beware, the small appetizer plates (nuts, pickle, etc.) they automatically place on your table when you sit are not free. If you don’t want them, say no.


The other cool thing about the place is that it is equipped with flat screen TVs playing classic Hong Kong movies. For non-Cantonese, non-Mandarin speakers out there, not to worry, the movies carry English subtitles. Unfortunately, you might struggle with the waitstaff as they don’t speak English and you don’t come with subtitles…

All in all a great place to go when you're hungry (or lonely) late at night. Check it out if you are in Singapore. And no, Tong Shui Café did not pay me to write this!

of airports and money (or the lack thereof)

I took Tiger Airways to Singapore so I disembarked at the Budget Terminal. In Singapore, there’s the wonderful Changi Airport and then there’s the Budget Terminal for low-cost carriers like Tiger Airways and Cebu Pacific.

The problem with the Budget Terminal is that it makes you feel bad about yourself and the fact that you are on a budget, especially if you are accustomed to the high standards at Changi. There are no tubes connecting the planes to the terminal. Once you get off, you have to walk a long distance from the gate to immigration in un-air-conditioned discomfort. After a budget flight with no food and drinks, no blankets and extremely loud and annoying passengers, the last thing you want to do is lug your hand baggage in the hot and humid Singapore weather. There’s one wide ramp that leads to immigration and its downward pitch somehow encourages passengers to stampede to the immigration lines. People actually run. Finally, I couldn’t find a restroom until I exited the baggage claim area.

To be fair, the Budget Terminal is not that bad. I’ve been to far worse international and domestic terminals in other parts of the world. The thing is, none of those airports were located in Singapore and juxtaposed with Changi, which is consistently ranked the best airport globally.

A funny side note on the Budget Terminal…Before it was opened, the authorities launched a “Low Cost Terminal Naming Contest” to name the terminal. They received 12,000 entries and guess which creative name won? You guessed it…The Budget Terminal. Forty-four of the 12,000 entries actually suggested “Budget Terminal,” but they picked the entry of 15-year old Jonathan Sng because of his justification for the suggested name: “short, easy to remember and representative of what the terminal is.” Apparently the flash of brilliance came during recess. This is why I love Singapore.

of airports and stupidity

I almost almost missed my flight to Singapore last Friday because of my stupidity. My flight was scheduled to leave at 8:20pm. To beat the rush hour traffic, I left the office early and arrived at Suvarnabhumi with plenty of time to spare. I was told at the check-in counter that the walk to the gate would take around twenty minutes (!) so I window-shopped close to the gate to be safe. After a nice hotdog from Dairy Queen, I sat just outside the final security check area for Concourse F. I wanted to finish the bottle of water I had just bought before they confiscated it.

I savoured each drop of water and took my own sweet time. I finally went through security check and arrived at my gate 20 minutes before the scheduled departure time. Except when I got to the gate, there was no sign of my flight. No sign, no passengers, no ground staff. I looked at my boarding pass and I realized that not only was I in the wrong gate, I was in the wrong concourse! Somehow I had assumed that the departure gate would be the same as the one for the exact same flight I took two weeks earlier (F2 - don’t ask me why), so I didn’t even bother to check. When I realized my mistake, I ran like mad all the way to E10, which of course had to be at the very end of concourse E. I got there sweaty and out of breath just as they were closing the gate. At least I made it.

Other passengers beware, Suvarnabhumi looks great but it’s actually not that passenger friendly. Put on your running shoes because you will be walking and walking and walking…whether or not you do something stupid like me.

lost in translation

I’d forgotten how hard it is to live in a country where you don’t speak the language. The last time I experienced this frustration was when I was living in China. But at least I started taking Mandarin classes the moment I landed in Beijing. Here, I don’t even have a phrasebook.

Anyway, the boss of my NGO got it into his head to subsidize Thai lessons for the unpaid interns. Of course I signed up…might as well get compensated for my hard labor and learn something useful. Two days a week, two hours per class…the lessons would also give me something to do.

First Day of Class:
I turned up bright and eager to learn Thai and Thai culture. But to my dismay, I discovered that my teacher was an Aussie!!! I was in Thailand learning Thai with a Mark and not a Khun Pong. What about the other 65 million Thais in the country? It was a serious lapse in judgement on the part of the admin staff at my office. I couldn’t hide the disappointment on my face when I met Mark. He wasn’t offended by my reaction though because apparently he had gotten it from all his other farang students.

Three Weeks Later:
Mark can speak Thai quite fluently, but he definitely cannot teach! He goes exactly by the utterly useless book. The book is strangely headlined “Help 4 English,” despite the fact that it’s a Thai instructional text. There are also some extremely inane conversations. For example…

Lesson 6.9 Conversation --- Comparing buffalos and cows (in Thai)
Q: Which one is bigger, the buffalo or the cow?
A: The buffalo is bigger than the cow.
Q: And which one is smaller?
A: The cow is smaller than the buffalo.

Why? Why? When we first saw the text, we refused to do it. Mark tried to convince us otherwise by telling us that at least we would be able converse fluently with farmers in the Northeast if we ever went there. Hello!? I need practical Thai to help me get around Bangkok. He finally conceded defeat when everyone rebelled. So instead we talked about people in the office.

Q: Who is fatter, Baby or Candy?
A: Baby is fatter than Candy.
Q: And who is thinner?
A: Candy is thinner than Baby.

Not quite practical, but at least it was a lot more fun!

streetscape iii: the reverse oreo

Though the wafer may claim to be delicious, this billboard is definitely tasteless!

hua hin

Hua Hin is a charming little beach town a little over 200km from Krung Thep. Breathing the fresh sea breeze already makes the trip out there worth it, which is good because the beach is just about mediocre. The beach is 5 kilometres long but the sand is not that white and not that clean; the water is decidedly murky. If not for its proximity to Bangkok, I don’t think it would be as popular as it is.

Instead of taking a public bus or train, J and I decided to take the private vans (180B) from Victory Monument. The vans seat 12 people in air-conditioned comfort; they are the quickest way to get to Hua Hin and back. However, the single-minded focus on speed over everything else, including safety, can be a problem. On our way there, we hit a “road under construction” sign and had to stop in the middle of the highway. On our way back, I thought I was going to die of a heart attack. I am sure that the van did not belong to our driver because if it were my car, there’s no way I would have treated it that way!

In Hua Hin, we stayed at quaint and cheap (800B) guesthouse outside of the main town. Its claim to fame was that it was operated by Swedish people, but I didn’t see a single Swede around. The patch of beach closest to our guesthouse was crowded and more than a little bit dirty so we ventured up towards the Marriott hotel. There we pretended to be guests, requested beach towels, swam in their pool and lounged on their beach chairs for the rest of the day. On Sunday, we tried the stunt again. We, or to be exact, J, was caught red-handed and pretty much kicked out of the resort. So we had to content ourselves with a shady patch under a tree whose fruit kept on falling on us. There we shared the puny little towel I brought in case of such an eventuality. Such is the life of poor unpaid interns…

At night, we ventured out into town. First stop were the fresh seafood restaurants close to the fishing pier. We selected a restaurant crowded with locals and ordered a massive seafood platter. Mmmmm…Then off we went to the night bazaar, crowded with locals and foreigners alike. Most of the locals were there for the food stalls offering roti, fruit, stir fry and, yes, Japanese food. The foreigners were there for the fake handbags, fake DVDs and the kind of beach-y attire and “local” souvenirs that are mysteriously found all across Southeast Asia. I suspect that everything is made in one factory in China.

Other activities: I got an excellent Thai massage. I ate a nice Currywurst. I drank good beer. I bought flip-flops. I can’t wait for next weekend!

streetscape ii: not your regular street food

Street food is ubiquitous in Bangkok. The selection ranges from fresh fruit to pad thai to bbq satay to somtam and everything else in between. Last night, for example, I ate a beef sausage stuffed with rice (10B) and four grilled sweet bananas chopped up and coated with coconut milk (10B). Not all street food is "exotic" or Thai though. Near the Phrom Phong BTS, these vendors sell egg, tuna or pork floss sandwiches for breakfast...

swingin' singapore

As recently as three years ago, Cosmopolitan magazine, Sex and the City, bar-top dancing and oral sex were been banned in Singapore. Flash forward to 2007. It looks like the “nanny state” has gotten tired of taking care of the kids. Singapore is starting to live up to its airport code: SIN.

I didn’t recognize Clarke Quay when I went last Saturday night. When did all these bars open? Where did all these people come from? When I left Singapore in May 2006, partying in Clarke Quay meant either heading out to Attica or Ministry of Sound (MOS). Now there are bars for all types --- Fashion Bar for the would-be fashionistas, The Rupee Room for Bollywood-hit lovers, The Clinic for those looking for stylish kitsch, and the list goes on…

For chill-out Sunday afternoons at the beach, we used to go to KM8. Now the über hip Café del Mar has taken over Siloso beach. Across the spanking new Vivo City mall, a massive entertainment complex catering to all music tastes, St. James Power Station, has been built within Singapore’s first coal-powered station.

To top it all off, they are building the world’s tallest Ferris wheel: the Singapore Flyer. It’s not set to open until Valentine’s Day 2008 (cheesy), but already at least 200,000 tickets have been sold. (OK, I admit, the Ferris wheel is not that exciting. I just had to mention it.)

So, I left SIN city Sunday night with only one question in mind: why oh why did all these improvements happen after I moved to New York?

streetscape i: why?

Why would you stick this on your car? Why advertise your deviant behavior? Why?

yellow mondays

It’s just another yellow Monday in Krung Thep.

In Thailand, different colors are associated with different days of the week. It is said that if you wear the “correct” color for the day, fortune will smile upon you. Yellow is for Monday. Yellow also happens to be the day the current beloved King of Thailand, Rama IX, was born. Thus yellow is the King’s color.

Last year, the King marked his 60th anniversary on the throne, making him the longest-serving monarch in the world. As a sign of respect for the King (and also to attract Lady Luck), people started wearing the same yellow collared shirt emblazoned with the King’s coat of arms on Mondays.

One year on, the trend continues. On Mondays, the entire capital is in uniform.

For those who seek to stand out in the yellow sea, the same shirts are available with special patches like the sax and the beach scene in the photos...

christina!

As I was discovering mouth muscles I didn’t know existed during my Thai class, my phone rang. It was my cousin; he was at the Christina Aguilera concert; he could get me in for free. I would never have bought a ticket myself, but I would never say no to a free one! I apologized profusely to my Thai teacher and rushed out of the building. It was seven pm and the concert was starting at eight.

I hailed a cab and surprise, surprise, we got stuck in traffic. *Sigh* Anyway, I finally made it to the concert and had a blast. Christina Aguilera has lungs (and she has big legs but never mind that. She’s also supposedly pregnant, poor baby). The woman can sing. Because I’m so not up-to-date, I didn’t recognize most of the songs she sang…and to my disappointment she didn’t sing “Genie in a Bottle.” Hehe. But she was good. She sang some 20 odd songs including “You are Beautiful” “What a Girl Wants” “Lady Marmalade,” etc.

Though the singing was good, the overall production in itself was, in my humble view, extremely underwhelming. I’m not sure what “Back to Basics” as a theme is supposed to mean but the concert didn’t seem basic to me. It was a mishmash of vignettes which did not quite fit together: American navy, twenties bordello, showgirl, circus, etc.

The best part of the concert though was that I was seated in a private booth with two beer girls handing out free beer throughout! Plus, and this is key, we had our own private bathroom!

After the concert, more beer while we waited for the traffic to thin out, and then off to a picturesque food stall next to a small manmade lake where we sat on mats and ate yummy seafood. And finally off to bed humming “You are beautiful…” for the first time ever in my life…

p.s. I wanted to post low quality videos up on You Tube for your viewing pleasure. Unfortunately You Tube is banned in Thailand so you will have to wait until I travel out of this country again...